Abscission of Light
by Southern Magnolia
Summary: The things that create light in Bella's life keep disappearing, one by one. Can she recover and fight to get them back? Rated M for language and certain scenes. Some content may be hard to handle.
1. Prologue

Author's Note: The two parts that came together to inspire this story are going to be here in the prologue, and in the first chapter. This part is something that started out as a sentence or two in my head that wouldn't go away one night until I wrote them down. And it developed from there. Sorry this part is so short, guess it's more of a teaser than a prologue, but... nyah! :p Enjoy.

Going to try and use a quote for each chapter. I love quotes. I collect them... a lot of them.

"_**Don't cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won't let you see the stars." - Violeta Parra**_

_June 2006_

Have you ever experienced one of those kisses that are just so sweet and tender that it shakes you to the core? It's something that changes you forever... It's nothing you've ever felt before, but somehow, you just know. Like seeing gray for the first time in a world of vibrant color. Like the shades of sunset painting the sky, wrapping you in a world of warmth and pastels, but still that gray creeps ever closer.

You're not sure what to make of it, what it means, so you sink further into that vibrancy, that heat. You fall in, and give yourself to it completely.

Your whole world, your heart and soul are in that kiss.

That moment.

The person you're sharing it with becomes imprinted on your very being.

No matter how far apart you may be, for how long... their presence is always with you. As close as if they were at your side, able to reach out at any moment and take your hand.

It's only later that it finally hits you what the gray was. What it meant.

It was goodbye.


	2. Chapter One

Author's Note: The first chunk that is all in italics is as it was written by Stephenie Meyer, found in the The Twilight Saga: The Official Illustrated Guide. I'm adding it because it's the other part of what inspired this story, and I know not everyone may have the book yet, or may not have read this part, so forth. In any case, it will change a bit toward the end so my story can develop, of course, so it won't be **exactly** what is in the book... Anyhow.

Stephenie's introduction to the excerpt: "Old Quil – The following excerpt was the original first introduction to Old Quil. It takes place in chapter 12 in _New Moon_ after Jacob tells Bella to stay away from him (in the rough draft, Jacob didn't come to her window that night).

"_**Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional." - M. Kathleen Casey**_

_February 2006_

_ Charlie was at the breakfast table with a plate of scrambled eggs in front of him. He looked up, seeming surprised to see me._

_ "You're up early," he said, examining my face carefully._

_ I glanced at the clock; I was actually running late. "I've only got fifteen minutes," I disagreed._

_ His face was wary. "It's Saturday, honey. You don't have work for another hour."_

_ "Oh." He was still scrutinizing my face. "Well, that's good. I didn't want to go to school much anyway."_

_ I turned away from him, feeling his eyes on my back, and went to search in the fridge. The pizza was right on top._

_ We ate in silence as I wondered what to do with my day. I regretted trading my Saturday hours at Newton's. It would have been a nice distraction._

_ But I knew that I wasn't giving up on Jacob, and I wondered what angle to approach him from._

_ "So you're really worried about this Sam thing, aren't you?" Charlie was done with his food before I was and his thoughts were in the same place._

_ I swallowed. "Yes, I really am."_

_ "Do you think he's involved with something bad? Drugs or crime or something?"_

_ "I don't know. I can't think of anything else, but I just can't see Jacob changing for something like that." I shrugged._

_ "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you before," he said quietly._

_ "Don't worry about it. I'm used to people thinking I'm crazy." It slipped out before I could think, and Charlie's eyes flashed up to mine._

_ "I don't think you're crazy."_

_ "Yeah, I know. I was kidding."_

_ He nodded, but there was no agreement in the motion._

_ "Anyway, what were you supposed to think? Billy supports this." I shook my head. "It's too weird. It's like Quil said yesterday... something stinks."_

_ "Quil Ateara?" he asked quickly._

_ I nodded. "He's not in the cult. He's scared, like Jacob was."_

_ "Cult?" Charlie repeated in a sharp tone._

_ "That's what Quil called it, and Jacob, too, before they beamed him up," I said morosely. "Jacob also said something about tribe pride and tribe lands..."_

_ Charlie's eyes narrowed. "I wonder if that's why Billy and the others seem to approve? I talked to Billy yesterday -"_

_ I nodded knowingly, and he broke off for a second, looking uncomfortable. He was probably trying to remember what all he'd said about me._

_ "Anyway," he started again, "he was acting pretty strange himself. Billy's always been a straightforward person. Yesterday... well, it seemed like he was hiding something." His voice was full of disbelief, as if this were the most ridiculous of theories._

_ "Dad, I think that's _exactly_ what he's doing."_

_ Charlie looked at me unhappily. "What are we going to do?"_

_ "I think I'm going to La Push – Mrs. Newton traded shifts with me for today."_

_ He frowned. "I don't know if I want you down there, Bella. This is a little disturbing."_

_ "It's a lot disturbing," I told him. "But I don't think it's dangerous disturbing – at least not for me. Maybe for Quil, though. By the way, I offered Quil our couch if he wants to get away. Is that all right?"_

_ He blinked twice. "Um, sure." He paused. "Are you good friends with Quil Ateara?"_

_ "I think I've talked to him twice," I admitted._

_ "Okay." Charlie pursed his lips. Life was spinning out of Charlie's comfort zone. I knew the feeling well._

_ I got up from the table._

_ "Bella?"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "If anything looks... weird, don't stay. I'll be at the station. And call me, either way."_

_ "Sure, Dad."_

_ I felt sort of guilty as I retraced the familiar road to La Push. I was going to do something that I knew was wrong, and that maybe was a slight overreaction, too._

_ I was going to do my best to convince Quil Ateara to run away from home._

_ Jacob had thought Sam was after him and he'd been right. Now Quil felt the same way. I was going to trust Quil's gut instinct and assume that he was next in line for the brain-washing. But if they wanted him, they were going to have to get through the Chief and me. Maybe Quil would be the key to finding out what was really happening to Jacob, and getting him out._

_ My mood was more hopeful, now that I had a goal._

_ La Push was empty. It was almost sultry out today, warm and close under the thick clouds. No rain to drive anyone indoors. The vacant yards and sidewalks seemed suspicious, but I was probably being paranoid. La Push was never a bustling hot spot._

_ I was glad that Quil's family lived on the opposite side of the village from the Blacks. I didn't want anyone to guess what I was up to and target Quil earlier than expected. I wished my truck were much quieter. It was the loudest thing in town – so much for stealth._

_ There was no sign of life outside the Ateara home. I couldn't tell if the lights were on inside the store in front of it._

_ I shut the truck off and hurried up the short dirt path to the front door. I couldn't help looking over my shoulder every other second, though it made me feel ridiculous. I rapped my knuckles hard and fast against the faded blue door, and then listened, waiting for a response. Nothing. I beat my fist against the wood twice again, this time generating a muffled thud that seemed to shiver in the walls._

_ As I waited – discouragement beginning to conquer hope – I was reminded of those movies on the sci-fi channel that always flipped through quickly, the movies where someone finds herself all alone, the only person left on the planet. I shivered._

_ I raised my fist for one last, futile attempt, and the door swung open under my hand. I nearly punched the shriveled white-haired man in the face._

_ "Oh," I gasped, quickly dropping my hand._

_ "Hey, you're Chief Swan's girl," the little man accused._

_ "Yes," I admitted._

_ "You hang out with Billy's kid."_

_ "Sometimes." I wondered if he treated all visitors this way. Maybe just ones who almost assaulted him._

_ "What do you want? He's not here." He shut the door halfway._

_ "Um, Mr. Ateara?" I guessed, easing my foot surreptitiously around the doorjamb so he couldn't shut me out until I wanted him to._

_ "Yeah, that's right." He seemed displeased that I knew his name._

_ "Is your grandson Quil here?"_

_ "No."_

_ A few seconds passed._

_ "Could you tell me where I can find him?" I prompted._

_ "Can't tell you what I don't know. He's out."_

__I opened my mouth to ask about whether or not he knew if he was with Jake or not, then I heard a female voice in the background. "Father? Who was at the d – Oh, hello!" A woman stepped into my field of vision and I heard Mr. Ateara grumble slightly. She quelled him with a little look that had him releasing the door and retreating back inside. Then she flashed me a winning smile. "Don't mind my father-in-law. He has his moods sometimes. You're... Bella, right? Quil talks about you a bit."

I actually felt myself blush a little. Like I needed to be reminded of Quil's crush on me right now. "Uhm, yeah. Hey, I was wondering where I could find him? I know he's been sort of... bummed out, with everything going on. Thought it might do us both some good to just hang out, maybe even drive out of Forks a bit?"

"Oh, that would be great!" The way her face lit up made he realize that she had far from been oblivious to the goings on as of late, the way it must be affecting her son. "Uhm... Well, the store's closed for the day, but he could be doing some stocking or cleaning up? If he's not there, I'd bet he's down at First Beach."

"Thanks," I said, honestly grateful. "And I'll make sure he's home before too late."

"Oh, no worries!" She insisted, just as honestly. "It's not a school night or anything, and, well... I really think he needs some companionship, Bella. I know a mom and a grandfather don't really cut it. So... I really appreciate this," she added with a gentle smile.

I just ducked my head in acknowledgment, not sure of how to respond. "Uhm, how do I..."

"Oh, right! There's a bell next to the front door of the shop. If he's in there, he'll answer it. We just have the one set of keys, so he usually has to let me in when he beats me there."

__"Okay, thanks." I turned and bolted back down the dirt path before she could start speaking again. I wasn't used to dealing with really 'motherly' sorts of mothers, much less someone else's. So I hurried back around to front of the store and pushed the button, producing a chime-like sound in the store that rang out, and I could hear it echoing inside.

To tell the truth, I dreaded the thought of trying to search for him on First Beach. So I was desperately hoping that he was here. I bit my lip as I waited, beginning to doubt more and more that he was in the store with each second that passed. But I let go of my lip and smiled as I heard the subtle sound of rubber hitting wooden floorboards, then the lock being undone.

"Mom, what are y- … Bella!" Quil's face lit up as he spotted me, and I gasped as he grabbed me and lifted me off the ground with a short, fierce hug.

I laughed a little. "Hello to you, too, Quil... Hey, I hadn't realized... I think you've actually gotten even **bigger **since the first time I met you."

"Yeah, well..." He shrugged. "Lots of time to stock... and re-stock... and... getting bored and using the heavier stuff like weights..."

I grinned. And I realized it felt good, but strange again. I hadn't been smiling a lot since Jake had started avoiding me. I'd been falling into the same rut again, because Jake had torn an identical hole in my heart all the time he'd been helping to fill in the one that had been there before. I realized I might need this as much as Quil did.

"Hey, so... turns out your mom is awesome! I said we should go hang out for a bit, and she pretty much said no worries about how late you get home. So... want to? Just... get out of here for a while? I think the Newtons wouldn't even really mind giving me the day off."

"Sweet! Yeah, let me just... I need to change. I'm sort of dusty and sweaty."

"No problem." I stepped back to allow him space to lock the shop back up as we started back toward his house, though I froze next to my truck. "Uhm... I think I'll wait out here. Your grandpa is... sort of scary."

"You faced my grandfather to get to see me? Now I'm flattered," he said, an impish grin on his face.

Scoffing, I gave him a playful shove. "Just hurry and change." He nodded and dashed off inside as I climbed into my truck and slammed the door shut, grabbing my backpack to pull out some homework to kill time.

When he came dashing back out about twenty minutes later, I had to stifle a groan. He had changed into a black button-up shirt that strained over his well-developed chest and a pair of jeans that fit him tightly and a pair of boots. He'd obviously showered, as his hair was still damp. But what had been nearly a buzz cut when I first met him a month or so ago had gotten a little longer, – it actually reminded me a little of how short Jacob had cut his hair, I realized with a lump in my throat – and he'd taken the time to apparently spike it a little with hair gel.

It didn't take a super genius to figure out he apparently still had his little crush on me... or maybe it was just that I was a girl, considering some of the stories Jake had told me about Quil's exploits. Or at least attempts at exploits. Oh well. Even if he did have a crush on me, I certainly wasn't giving off any 'date' vibes. I was dressed in a pair of worn jeans and a t-shirt.

He climbed into the passenger side of the truck. "So, where to?"

"Uhm... I sort of wanted to get away from Forks, so how about Port Angeles? It's the only place I really know how to get to where there's stuff to do," I admitted sheepishly.

"No, that's cool! There's this restaurant called Smuggler's Landing where we can have lunch. The food is great and they have a second floor where you can look out at the water... it's killer."

And sounding more and more like a date... oh well. _Breathe, Bella._ "Cool." I started up the truck and pulled back out onto the road. For a moment, I could have sworn that I saw Jake at the edge of the woods, but I dismissed it to my over-active imagination.

All in all, the hour long ride wasn't that bad. Quil was sort of obvious about his flirting, but he let off a bit and we just generally chatted and even laughed along the way. We decided it was still a bit too early for lunch, so we wandered around the Landing Mall for a while first, even shopped a little. I found that I ended up mostly talking about myself, which was awkward, but it was unavoidable. I was simply the one with more stories that didn't involve Jake or Embry. And we had somehow reached a silent agreement that we wouldn't mention any of the weird things going on or the people who had inexplicably abandoned us.

We eventually did wind up at Smuggler's Landing for lunch, and I had to admit, it was pretty great. The food was sort of so-so, but eating up on that second floor more than made up for it. There was a clear view of the water and the ferry, and the sun was actually out so it sparkled off the surface of the water. Listening to the ambient noise was sort of relaxing, and thankfully made talking seem mostly unnecessary.

"So, uh... I'm kind of worn out on the whole shopping thing. How about a movie?" He asked as we both paid for our meals.

"Uh... sure. I just need to find a pay phone to call the Newtons."

"There's one right outside the theater."

We grabbed our bags and headed out, locking our things in the truck as we passed where I had parked. When he pointed out the phone, I went to call the Newtons. Mrs. Newton actually said that it worked out great, because things had been slow and had tried calling me at home to say they were just going to close early so her and Mr. Newton could just have a date night. As I hung up with her, I remembered my dad had said to call him, so I did. I briefly told him where I was and Mrs. Ateara's reaction to me getting Quil away for a while, so I could hear at least some relaxation in his voice as he responded. I was hanging up just as Quil dashed back over and waved a pair of tickets at me. "C'mon, movie's starting in a couple minutes."

I paled a little. "Uh... you already got tickets?"

"Yeah... er... I've been wanting to see this X-Men movie, haven't had anyone to go with... is that okay?"

Relief flooded over me. "Oh, sure! Sounds cool... but I'm buying snacks, since you got the tickets, okay?"

"Deal," he agreed as he beamed down at me.

Afterward, we walked outside a little. It was sort of fun watching little kids run and play, the families out enjoying the day. I spotted a pair holding hands, and immediately drew Quil's attention away to point and ask about some random landmark in the distance. He didn't know much about it, just rattled off the name, but I didn't really care. At least the couple had passed us by then. Then we were interrupted by the grumble of his stomach, and I laughed. "Guess we're eating before we head back... just let me call Charlie, see if I should bring him something back."

We wound up back at Smuggler's Landing again, around on the other side of the second floor this time... and I couldn't help but be swept away by the view of the mountains as the sun set. Quil let me be quiet again as he dug into his food and I ate my salad a little more slowly – all the heavy food and sweets from the day felt sort of heavy in my stomach and I couldn't manage more than that. As I exhaled softly, though, he looked up at me, almost wary.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh... nothing... Well... I'm not crazy about the food, but it's okay... and the views here more than make up for it. I'm glad you suggested this place... twice," I teased.

He laughed a little and shook his head. "Not my first time attempting a date, Bella." His eyes widened a second later. "Wait, I mean... not a date, not a date! Just, uhm... I guess saying I know girls like that mushy stuff wouldn't really be a better option here, would it?"

I laughed wholeheartedly then, I couldn't help it. "No, no. It's okay. I mean... I sort of guessed you were thinking that when you came out dressed like you are."

He glanced down at himself and actually blushed a little. "Er... but you're not mad?"

"No... Well, I guess not. I guess with everything, it is sort of a date. But!" I cut him off as I saw his face begin to light up. "As friends, Quil. That's... really all I can manage right now."

"Oh, right..." He looked back down and stabbed his fork at the last remaining bits of his food. "Guess it's kind of shady to try and move in on my best friend's girl, even if he is being an ass..."

Now it was my turn to blush. "I'm not Jacob's girl," I pointed out softly. "He's just... he's my best friend, too... I mean... you know how I got for a while." I swallowed carefully. I hadn't even talked about this with Jake. The subject of Edward was just taboo. But somehow... it felt safer to discuss it with Quil, at least a little. He didn't seem as... insightful as Jake could at times. "**He** left and... things got bad. Really bad. And... Jake helped make me feel... normal again. Made me feel like I was safe and could laugh and just... I don't know, be a teenager. Be reckless and stupid, even," I added, trying to lighten the conversation.

"Well, a blind person could see how he feels about you. And all that... sort of sounds like he's more than just a friend to you, Bella. I mean... yeah, I guess we've been doing the same for each other today... and it feels nice to get to smile and laugh and... Be 'normal' for a while. But I've seen how you two are around each other. You're more comfortable around him, holding his hand, leaning into him..."

_Shit. Maybe he's more insightful than I thought._ "Well..." I really didn't know how to reply to that, and I turned instead to wave at a waiter for our checks.

"Well, if that's friends to you, Bella... can't say I would mind getting to be your friend for a little while, even if I am just sort of the back-up."

"That's not true!" I turned to focus on him. "I mean... I guess we haven't hung out much before, but... I figured that was always because of how Jake threatened you to stay away, and... Yeah, I guess I felt a little weird about the... okay, the crush and... Flirting stuff."

He exhaled a little, his head ducked again. "Okay... so... Let's make a deal. You try and accept me as a friend just for myself, and I'll... try to tone down the flirting. Okay? I can't really make promises, it sort of just... happens without me meaning to. I think a lot of what I see has 'having fun and goofing off' with a girl can easily be seen as flirting, given... okay, not trying to sound conceited, but I am sort of built. I guess people see it as flirting when it comes from a guy like me rather than if I was sort of scrawny."

I giggled a little as we headed back out to the truck. "When you put it that way, it almost makes me sound like I'm prejudiced or something."

"Nah. I mean, it's not like I look like this by accident or something. I work for this." His happier demeanor seemed to be returning, and I relaxed a little.

"Okay, so I'll try to be better at figuring out just being friendly and goofing off from actual flirting, if you try to stop the actual flirting." I started the truck, paused, and then turned to look at him. "And I refuse to acknowledge the other part. I'm not trying to use you to replace anyone or forget who you are, Quil. I just... saw someone who needed a friend, and needed to forget all the crap his other friends are putting him through. So... I guess we both need each other for that. Other than that... I suppose we don't know much about each other yet other than as 'a friend of Jake's' so... we can work on that, and be friends ourselves."

"Just friends with a girl... I think I can manage that. I just... don't want to be next."

"You won't. I asked my dad about you crashing on the couch for a while, to get away, and he said it was alright," I offered as I finally set the truck into motion back toward Forks.

"That would be great, actually. My grandfather is on the council with Billy and Harry, so it sucks hard to have to live with someone that keeps looking at me like that. Like he's waiting for me to... let myself be brain-washed, I guess."

"Okay. So... do we sneak back in to get some of your things, or do I just kidnap you and you tell your mom about it in the morning?"

He laughed and shook his head. "No... I think she'll understand. He wouldn't, but... he'll probably be in bed by the time we get there."

"Great." At least I wasn't going to have to convince him to run away or something. We spent the rest of the ride back dreaming up various kidnapping scenarios and laughing as the next one was always more absurd and far-fetched than the last.


	3. Chapter Two

"_**What is the opposite of two? A lonely me, a lonely you." - Richard Wilbur**_

_March 2006_

A few days later, and it really was more like I had kidnapped Quil. Only my dad and his mom had helped me to do it. His mom had even gone so far as to have him switch to Forks High for the time being, so he wouldn't have to spend his days underneath the gazes of those who used to be his friends. We drove to and from school together and did our homework, and he'd hang out with me at Newton's when I had to work. We'd go down to La Push a couple times a week, but that was mostly to have dinner with Joy and Old Quil so they wouldn't be completely cut out of his life.

He'd help me cook dinner the nights we were in Forks for it, which was awkward at first, but it became sort of comfortable. Certainly was nice to have someone who knew better than to stick metal lids and silverware into the microwave like I often had to stop my dad from doing. Though sometimes we ended up with more of a mess than I would have ever created on my own – either from the fact that he was still learning, or that we'd just flat-out get into food fights and end up covered in flour or doused in water. My dad walked in on this more than once and just eyed us before he shook his head and walked off.

It was almost funny to see girls at school responding to him. It didn't really change anything about how I viewed him – I was aware that he was attractive and had an easy-going manner... and not a bad smile, now that I saw it on him more and more. He flirted back with ease with Lauren and Jess at lunch, but he shrugged off anything after school. He told me later that he'd had to talk himself out of trouble already with Mike and Tyler and make them see he wasn't trying to steal their girls or anything, and I pointed out the same to them later, privately... along with the fact that if they wanted to say Jess and Lauren were 'their' girls, they might want to actually try holding onto steady relationships.

I had to admit... having Quil around all the time was sort of nice. He was not the all-consuming distraction that Jake could be, but I realized that I did get to forget for a while. The pain was lessened as a new friend helped to fill the void in my life. It wasn't until he'd been at my house for about three weeks that I realized that between thoughts of him, Jake, and everything going on down at the reservations, I hadn't even thought of Edward once.

"Aw, I hate this crap!"

I poked my head out of the kitchen where I was putting the last of the dishes away in the dishwasher. "What crap?" I finished cleaning up before I walked out to join him in the living room. I might have teased him about doing homework on a Friday evening, were it not for the pile of it before him. "Geeze, Quil, what happened? We've been doing all our homework together, haven't we?"

"Yeah... and my mom's ecstatic about the grade improvements, believe me." He shot a grin back at me. "But I've been holding off on all these work-sheets because I have to read some book. And normally, you know, no problem. I've usually done... okay, at least decent on book reports. But stuff like..." He turned and dug into his bag and pulled out a book. "Pride and Prejudice? I don't get it. All the... old style English and terms that we don't use any more, or stuff meaning something else than what it does now... I get a headache."

I laughed a little as I walked over to sit on the floor next to him, taking the book from his hands. "It's one of my favorites, actually. I could try to help you get through it, if you like?"

"That would be awesome," he said as he sank back with relief.

Shaking my head, I opened to the first page. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife. However little known the feelings or views of such a man may be on his first entering a neighborhood, this truth is so well fixed in the minds of the surrounding families, that he is considered the rightful property of some one or other of their daughters..."

We went on like that for hours, only pausing to grab something to drink, or to move to more comfortable spots than on the floor. My dad came down the stairs around midnight in uniform, and gave pause as he glanced toward us. It was only then that I realized that I had leaned in against Quil as I read to him, and his arm had draped over my shoulders, fingers on my arm idly stroking. I'd only subconsciously acknowledged it as him assuring me that he was awake still, but seeing my dad look at us made me realize that it felt sort of... intimate.

I sat up. "Dad. Where are you going this late?"

He cleared his throat and I felt Quil scoot a little further from me. "There's been some sort of animal attack the next county over. By the time I get there and we get some other guys together, it'll be light enough out to go have a look. I may end up spending a couple days over there, so... will you guys be alright?"

"Oh, yup! Food, water, and homework. I think we're fortified for the weekend." I was trying to fight the rising panic in my chest and ease my dad's mind that I wasn't about to start making out with a guy while he was gone all at the same time. "Just make sure to give me a call when you can, Dad. So I know you're okay."

"You can bet on that," he said as he eyed us, and I know Quil squirmed behind me. But I kept my expression clear as I got up to kiss him on the cheek and see him out to his cruiser. He mumbled something about pepper spray in one of the kitchen drawers and I rolled my eyes.

When he was gone I went back inside. "So, uhm... break time, I guess. I'm not even really that tired, so I guess we could do a midnight snack?" I turned and headed into the kitchen and began pulling things out, setting up for nachos.

"Bella?"

I glanced over my shoulder as I spread chips out on a baking sheet. "Yes?"

"I'm sorry about... well... I don't know what else to call it, cuddling? You in there. It sort of just... happened."

"I know," I smiled back at him before I turned back to my work. "You didn't exactly make me lean against you or anything. It's just sitting still like that for a long time is really uncomfortable, so we... just settled in more comfortably. Hey, could you get the cheese out of the fridge? And some chicken or beef too, whatever sort of nachos you feel like."

He silently went to the fridge and pulled out the cheese and a container of shredded chicken, then proceeded to pull out the pans to heat them up.

I knew the thought of the 'animal' attack and the fact that my father was going out there should be more pressing on my mind, but I was also thankful that Quil was providing a distraction. He was obviously still a bit upset, so I set a hand on his arm. "Hey." He lifted his gaze to me. "Seriously. It's okay. We're friends, and we should be comfortable around each other, right?" I turned back to continue cooking.

"Well... yes. But..." He sighed, turning to lean back against the counter and stare at the ceiling. "Okay, so... I sort of liked you to begin with. But I'm not okay with making you feel uncomfortable or anything. I don't want to do that. This... friendship thing I have with you is pretty much all I have right now, short of my mom and... That's not the same. So I seriously don't want to screw this up. I'm already wondering how long all of this is going to keep up, because I know you're applying to colleges and Jacksonville, so you're going to be gone beginning of next school year at the latest... I don't know what I'd do with myself then..."

"Guess your mom would draw the line at me dragging her darling son all the way down to Florida, huh?" I was trying to lighten the mood a little, and he gave a short bark of laughter.

"Yeah, probably."

"Well... look. I'm sure my dad would let you continue to hang out here; he's pretty freaked out about everything going on too. Other than that... we'll figure out that stuff when it's time to worry about it. I really hope all this... stupid behavior is over by then. And... Quil, I'll tell you when I'm uncomfortable okay? And you tell me when I may be getting too close for you to feel comfortable, alright?"

He shot me a half-smile. "Deal."

"We make a lot of those," I said with a little smile as I began plating things up. "Oh, there are peppers in a jar in the fridge if you want yours spicy. I spiced up the chicken a little, but not much."

His face lit up a little and I actually laughed as I watched him place about half the jar of jalapenos on his nachos before I was allowed to cover them with the cheese. Then we went back into the living room and settled in to read more of the book.

"'It is amazing to me,' said Bingly, 'how young ladies can have patience to be so very accomplished as they all are.'..."

We read on for several hours more again, only this time our reading was interrupted when one or both of us did finally doze off. I jolted awake again later to the sound of the ringing telephone, and was momentarily bewildered as to where I was. I blushed as I realized the two of us had actually managed to lie down on the couch, and the majority of my upper body had ended up on his chest, our legs tangled together. Biting my lip, I slowly extracted myself, but froze when I saw his eyes open. He quickly blushed as well, and then helped to get me upright so I could get to the phone.

"Hello?" I greeted with a yawn.

"Hey, Bells. Sorry it's so early, but I don't know the next chance I'll get while we're out. Just wanted to call and say I'm alright and all that stuff... so, uh... how did things go after I left?"

"Oh... we got a snack and then went back to reading. Ended up passing out."

"Ah..." I could almost hear the unasked questions in his voice, about whether we'd been separated when we fell asleep, or if it had been more like the way he'd found us.

"So, uh... stay safe, okay Dad? Hunt in groups and all that."

"Yeah, yeah... I know kid. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

"Okay, Dad. Love you."

"Love you too, Bells."

I hung up and rolled my eyes over at Quil to show my exasperation at my father. He chuckled and slowly sat upright.

"Ugh... Couch surfing is starting to mess with my back."

"Probably didn't help to have me on top of you," I admitted with a wry grin.

"Probably not," he agreed with a teasing smile.

"Here." I flopped back down on the couch, scooting behind where he sat to slowly begin to massage his back and shoulders, causing him to sigh in relaxation as he slumped forward a little.

"You're not bad at that," he admitted.

"I have many talents," I quipped back in some funny foreign accent, causing both of us to laugh before he dropped back down onto the couch.

He looked up at me and I blushed at the expression, turning my attention to our plates from the night before, stacking them together and gathering the various debris.

"Bella..."

I tensed a little, clenching my eyes shut before I turned to look back at him. "Yeah?"

"Can we... actually talk about this? Get it out of the way before things get any weirder? If I don't get things settled in my head, my mind's just going to keep wandering which ever way it likes, and if we don't clear the air, I feel like I'm going to end up pushing you away."

Swallowing, I sat the things I had gathered back down. "Fair enough."

"Well... I'm not really sure how to put this. But... you're comfortable around me, right?"

"Right," I agreed softly.

"So you're comfortable around me, being... close to me. You trust me, or at least I hope so." He paused to wait for my nod. "We... make each other laugh and smile; we have... some things in common, at least. Even before we were really friends, we could... see things about each other. That we both needed a friend, and we both felt up to being there that way for each other."

I turned away a little, raking a hand back through my sleep-mussed hair. "Right."

"So... I'm not saying it is now, but... don't you think it's possible that some day... we might see that the other needs something else? Or more?"

"It's... possible," I admitted slowly.

"Because..." He got up to his feet, almost like he wanted to be a safe distance away. "Because I sort of see that... maybe you do need something else. Just from my experiences!" He held up his hands as I began to reply, quietly asking to be allowed to continue. I eased further back into the couch, though now I focused a steady gaze on him. He cleared his throat, seeming to choose his next words carefully. "From my experiences... limited as they are, and spliced with iffy information from romance movies... I don't think girls normally... get as close to their male friends as we get. They hug and push and shove sometimes, but... Not like last night. It is just... comfortable, Bella. And I'm not even always thinking about it that way. Like you said, it just happens, and neither of us seems to notice. We just... move together. And I guess... I'm not exactly sure of the one point I'm trying to make. I'm not trying to say we should... fool around or anything," he admitted with a blush, seeming to force the words out of necessity to keep me from assuming such. "Just that... maybe, I guess, you might be attracted to me too? At least a little? And... It wouldn't be a horrible thing to at least give a try. If worse comes to worse; hey, you're graduating and will be on the other side of the continent in a few months. No worrying about awkwardness there, right?"

I bit my lip as I listened to him speak. It wasn't like I could exactly argue his logic. Not even the way I'd been able to argue with Jake's. When Jake was expressing his interest, I knew that I felt broken. Not that I wasn't -willing- to try another relationship, but that I literally wasn't capable. But with all the things going on in my life, I noticed that I wasn't even thinking of Edward anymore except at someone else mentioning him or when I forced myself to make comparisons like this. And I could see more and more now that that wasn't fair. Edward was apparently doing his damnedest to make sure it seemed like he had never been in my life.

At first, that had broken me. I thought beyond repair. But with my friends... even with the new issues, I could see that I really could be repaired. Looking at what Jake had done for me in a matter of months, I had to consider what a few more months might do for me, if I just let them.

So I decided to let them.

"Fuck it," I mumbled.

He gave me a bewildered look as I got up from the couch and crossed the few steps to him. I hesitated, but for just a moment. But then I grabbed at the front of his shirt and pulled him down a little as I rose up on my toes. His eyes widened, but he responded the moment our lips made contact. His hands went to my back to hold me close, and he leaned closer so there was less stress put upon me to match his height.

It felt... different. I wasn't in love with Quil, I knew that. Things with him didn't feel quite as... intense as they did with Jake. So maybe that made it feel somehow safer.

I was also kissing someone warm. Human and alive. That fact alone seemed enough to make me sway a little. To kiss someone it was safe to kiss. Who I didn't have to bundle up in a bunch of blankets just to be close to. It had been unintentional, but I had slept beside him and awoke feeling just fine, other than the embarrassment.

I felt him shudder a little, and thought I actually felt goose bumps on his arms as my hands ran up them to settle on his shoulders. I realized I liked being able to see and feel so clearly the affect I had on the person I was kissing. I could **know**, see and feel for myself what I did to them. Without having to just take the word of someone devoid of blood rushing through their veins, making their heart beat fast... of blushes. Someone if, though I doubted it, if it came to a certain point, I wouldn't have to worry about having to be thrust away for fear of destroying me.

God, being with Edward had been a rush in itself. Maybe I was addicted to adrenaline rushes. Adrenaline that came from putting my life on the line.

I had been crazy. Making out with a boy in the middle of the living room while my father was away for the weekend felt a million times more sane by comparison.

I slowly eased myself back from him, and I was pleased to see he looked at least a little as flushed as I felt.

"Uh... Was that a 'Yes, Quil, I like you too'?"

I laughed a little and brushed my hair back from my face. "Well... More like an 'I'm willing to find out', to be truthful."

He exhaled heavily, and then grinned down at me. "Sounds good to me."

I nodded and rested my forehead against his chest for a moment before I turned to go back to cleaning up from the night before. He tagged along after me to help, and then afterward, I headed upstairs to get a couple more hours sleep, and sent him to my dad's bed for while my dad was gone.


	4. Chapter Three

"_**The heart is the only broken instrument that works." - T.E. Kalem**_

_April 2006_

Okay, so... I think a part of me was happy to cause a stir at school when I showed up holding Quil's hand. It all still felt... different from anything from I was used to. Things with Quil weren't all intense and magnified; there wasn't the worry of blurring the line between friendship and boyfriend/girlfriend. I'm not sure how things might have changed with Jake if he'd hung around long enough for me to finally reach this revelation with him instead. I knew it would feel different. Even friendship with Jake felt different.

With Quil things were... lighthearted. Neither one of use seemed to expect any more depth than that. And I decided that was exactly what I needed. I actually had a boyfriend that I could go out with my friends and he could joke and get along with all of them. We could actually eat out together, and do those stupid little cliché romantic moves because he wasn't able notice my slightest movement, like we'd both reach for the popcorn at the same time at the movies, or accidentally bump into one another... which happened with us more than it normally would with most couples, I was sure, because of my record of clumsiness.

All in all... I decided after about a month of dating Quil that he was exactly what I needed right now. Even with the added awkwardness of having your boyfriend share a house with you. My dad had watched the two of us every moment he could at first, and I know that though most of it was him just being protective of his little girl, a small part of it was because he'd been rooting for Jake from the beginning. But I think as he saw all the smiles and laughter when Quil would make a joke or relate some story from school, he eased back a bit. I think knowing that I didn't behave as intensely around Quil as I had around Edward, he felt things were safer on the physical front. Maybe he even thought I'd just found the perfect rebound guy. Someone to have fun with but not get serious about.

And I guess that's how it might have looked to others. But I did care about Quil; he had been a good friend. He did help things to ease up in my life, but I had no intention of letting him drop for someone else once I felt like I was in one piece again. I needed to see where this could go. To see if I was capable of maintaining a normal, healthy relationship. Because I'd had a major overdose of the unhealthy sort. And I knew it.

Kissing and making out with Quil was definitely different too. There wasn't as much of the intense, driving passion there had been with Edward. But I could feel that was just because I was having a normal relationship for once. Exploring, slowly finding out how I felt about someone through our time together, instead of automatically having the relationship because of feelings I thought had been there.

Don't get me wrong... things could still get... heated with Quil. We were both only human, after all. But we could also be aware of limits set beforehand and stop ourselves, or at least slow down. I could worry about normal things, like if our hands began to roam places they shouldn't be. Not if I was about to get bitten or ripped apart. Though I did come away from one time with a tear in a t-shirt.

Quil had started apologizing right away, but I'd just started laughing.

"It's okay, really. This shirt is kind of old anyway. It's getting thin. It was bound to tear at some point."

"Aw... so you mean I don't get to be the macho man that just ripped a t-shirt open?"

I laughed again. This was why I liked being with Quil so much. "Nope, sorry. But you better be glad you didn't actually rip it **open**... then I'd really have to think about whether you'd done it on purpose or not!"

He actually laughed a little then too, and then sank back against the couch. I followed after him, cuddling against him. "So, are we doing anything tonight?"

"Uhm... I'm pretty worn out from all the going out, really. We've been out pretty much every weekend since we started dating. I think a night in with... pizza and TV sounds good."

"Works for me." We got up and went into the kitchen to make the pizza, pulling out a couple pre-made crusts from the freezer. We tossed them into the oven to heat up and I hopped onto the counter as he pulled things from the fridge to put on top of them. Then he walked over to me and settled a hand on either side of me on the counter, and grinned. "Hey. You're actually about my height now."

I scoffed and shoved him a little as he laughed and I couldn't help but smile. He gazed over at me and I felt my heart actually skip a beat as he leaned in and kissed me. Softly, at first, with his lips just brushing against mine. It was actually rather different from how we kissed, and I pulled in a shaky breath as he stepped closer and slid his hands around to my back. And somehow, I don't know how... at some point my legs ended up around his waist, my hands clutching at the front of his shirt before we were broken apart by the sound of the timer on the oven.

He seemed to pause before he slowly extracted himself from me, turning to retrieve the crusts before they burned as I took the chance to catch my breath. When they were out on the counter, he finally glanced back toward me, and I flushed.

"Well, that was... different," I said carefully, sliding down from the counter.

"Yeah..." He seemed cautious, as if he were wary about how I might react. But I just brushed my hand against his arm and set to topping the pizzas, then I was laughing again as he took over topping the second pizza and loaded just about everything he could onto it.

"Quil, all the toppings are going to fall off of that before you even get it to your mouth!"

"That's what makes it fun!"

I rolled my eyes but grinned at him as we slid the pizzas back into the oven. "If you say so." As the phone rang, I licked some sauce from my thumb and went to grab it.

"Hello? Oh, hey Dad."

"Bells. It's going to be another one of those nights... may not be home until late in the morning."

"Oh..." My brow furrowed and I turned away from where I was still facing Quil, so he wouldn't see the worry etch across my face. "Well... be careful, okay Dad?"

"Always am. You kids going out tonight?"

"No... We've been out pretty much every single weekend. Figured we'd just make some pizza and watch a movie here."

"Alright, uhm..." He fell silent and cleared his throat.

"Yeah, Dad?"

"Well, uh... you be careful too, huh?"

I went rigid for a moment at the implication, and then I was sure I turned every shade of red possible. "Dad! Seriously! It's not even like that!"

"Yeah, well... I'm the father. I'm supposed to worry about stuff like that."

"Yeah, and apparently stick your foot in your mouth," I retorted with a short laugh.

He laughed back a bit, albeit nervously. "Maybe a bit of that too. Alright, kiddo... I've gotta get going. See you tomorrow morning, alright?"

"Yeah. Night, Dad."

"Night, Bells."

I hung up the phone and finally turned back around to face Quil, who had an eyebrow lifted.

"Er, my dad... guess something's happening, he said he probably won't be back until late tomorrow morning. So... just us tonight."

His eyebrows shot up before he seemed to catch himself and coughed a little, turning away. "Okay."

I bit my lip. I knew what had crossed his mind. The fact that it had been crossing mine when he had been kissing me the way he had been while I was on the counter hadn't slipped my mind either. I exhaled softly and turned to pull out some glasses to get us something to drink, then handed the glasses over to him. "Go ahead and try to find something to watch and I'll bring the plates out once the pizza's done."

He took the glasses and went, and I stared after him, lost in thought. It was only when he glanced back toward me and got that grin on his face that I realized that I'd been staring at his ass. Now it was my turn to cough and turn away. He snickered and finished leaving the room.

Okay, what was going on in my head? When had that happened? That I started looking to actually take things with Quil to another level? What happened to the idea that this was supposed to be a relationship of fun? A lighthearted break from all the intensity of all the things with Edward.

I flushed and sank to my knees as that thought swept over me. Flashes of memories of grasping at Edward, pressing against him. I know my arousal around him had been plainly obvious, even if he hadn't had heightened senses. The way I'd behaved with him was just positively wanton. Even when we weren't in the bedroom together. And I couldn't piece together whether or not that was really me, or some affect that he had on me.

That knowledge, that sensation... suddenly I was intensely aware that I had behaved in ways around Edward that I was uncomfortable with._ Throwing myself at him, crying when he had to push me away. Being so willing to throw everything away... I'm eighteen and I was willing to leave everyone behind... My friends, my mom... oh, god my dad. The look on his face when I ran out of the house last year... how could I do that to him, and never see him again? Let him know how important he was, how much I loved him... There was no way I could have let him in my life in any capacity... Maybe there could have been letters, but... Why... _

Then it swept over me..._ from the beginning he'd pointed it out. Vampires are just made to be that way. To draw people in with every single facet of them – their smell, their voice, their faces_... I doubled over, grasping my stomach as a wave of nausea swept over me. _All those times I thought his face was so angelic... I guess some of it had to do with Edward himself... his manners, his old-fashioned sense of propriety, his... intensity. Because I certainly hadn't been drawn to the others in that same fashion. _

The ding of the oven broke my thoughts, and suddenly I propelled myself to my feet and took off through the living room and up the stairs.

"Bella?!"

"Get the pizza!" I managed to call out before I slammed the bathroom door behind myself and got to the toilet before I was sick.

I hung over the bowl as I sobbed and emptied my stomach of any remnants of my lunch into the bowl. Subconsciously, I was aware of the sound of the oven slamming shut.

I slumped and leaned against the tub, closing my eyes to try and calm the remaining sense of nausea and vertigo that swam through my head. Then I jolted a little as I heard a light knock on the door.

"Bella? Can I come in?"

"Yeah..." Then I reached up and grabbed the handle to flush the toilet before he could finish entering. I glanced up, and found him extending a glass of water toward me. I smiled wanly and accepted it, glancing down as I noticed him taking in the state I was in. "Thanks," I murmured as I took a sip.

"... Are you okay? You haven't been seeming sick..."

"No, no... I'm not sick..." I was sort of willing him to leave, my head bent so my hair would slide forward and hide my face. I'd seen him deal with too many tense situations by making a joke, and I wasn't sure I could handle that at the moment. My stomach lurched again as I envisioned Jacob here instead, and I knew he was precisely what I needed at the moment. He was the one I wanted to be here. Just someone warm to hold me, letting me let it all out. Caring about what was tearing me apart inside, but knowing me well enough to know that I didn't want to speak, couldn't speak.

God, I hated this feeling. Being pushed aside, left behind... I wasn't sure how I was managing to stay in one piece after being abandoned by both Edward and Jacob.

But then I glanced up as Quil slid down next to me on the floor, our sides touching. And I was aware that it was him holding me together, in one piece. I reached out and took his hand, giving it a squeeze as he glanced up at me, confused.

"I'm just glad you're here," I admitted quietly.

He smiled, but tilted his head. "Why's that?"

I swallowed and looked off, and I felt his hand tighten around mine. "Just... in the span of about half a year, I've had two people who... I really needed in my life, cared about... just leave me behind. Tell me that I can't be with them, or don't belong... and I can't... I don't know how I'd handle that again. If I even could..." I clenched my eyes shut, bit my lip so hard that I thought it might bleed. "I'm just... so glad that you're here... with me and helping me to set myself right again, and... away from everything down at La Push... away from whatever is going on with everyone down there."

He slid an arm around my mid-section and just pulled me close. I let myself lean against his chest and trembled a little as I choked back the urge to sob.

"I kinda thought it was you saving me..."

I grasped his shirt as I half-laughed, half-sobbed in response. "Quil..."

He just smoothed his hand over my hair, and somehow, that set free the floodgates. The gesture felt so familiar and foreign all at once. My body curled up tightly against him and I felt his arms close around me. And everything finally just came out from over the past few months. I'd had nightmares and screamed, I'd distanced myself, been depressed... slowly destroyed myself over Edward leaving me. And then begun to do the same over Jacob. But I'd never really come loose like this. I suppose because I was afraid of never being put back together.

As it struck me that this was **Quil** that made me feel safe enough to do this, I felt the sobs begin to ease. I wasn't even sure how long I'd been crying. Just noticed that his arms were still around me, and I'd been pulled into his lap so he could hold me close as long as I needed. And my head swam at the thought. Whether I'd wanted it to or not, something deeper was going to come from things with Quil... something deeper was already here. I wasn't in love or anything. I knew that. But this was more than just having fun. We'd both just made that blatantly clear – he'd hung around during one of my lowest points, and I'd allowed myself to be that way around him.

I finally pulled away and swiped at my cheeks, then gave a half laugh. "Sorry... I soaked your shirt..."

He just shrugged as he regarded me carefully. As my breathing finally calmed and my cheeks were dry, one side of his mouth quirked into a cautious smile. "Did you need to talk?"

I shook my head. "No, no... I just... realized something and it threw me for a loop pretty hard... I think it'll be a while before I can actually **speak** about it."

He nodded, and then helped steady me as I got to my feet within the small space.

As he started to rise, he flopped back down with a laugh. "Okay, I need help up... my legs have gone to sleep really bad."

"I'm sorry!" I leaned over and grasped his arm, helping to support his weight as he forced himself to get to his feet.

He wobbled a little and flexed his legs. As he grew more steady, I slowly released his arm, only to find myself yanked back against him. My eyes widened as I looked up at him.

"Bella... quit apologizing for things that aren't your fault... **I **pulled **you** onto my lap, remember?"

"Uhm... Not really..." I admitted sheepishly. "Was sort of out of it."

He chuckled and placed a light kiss to my cheek. "Well, I did. Anyhow... I'm gonna go put the pizzas back into the oven to heat up... you still feel up to watching a movie or something on TV, or do you just want to eat and then get some sleep?"

"No, no... Definitely need some entertainment. Need to clear this all out of my head before I try to sleep."

He nodded and slipped back out of the bathroom. Only then did I finally glance at myself in the mirror, and gasped at the sight before me. My eyes were all red and puffy, my hair tousled... and I was sure my breath was none too pleasant at the moment. I groaned from embarrassment as I leaned over the sink to wash my face, splashing cold water against it in an attempt to soothe my skin. Then I proceeded to pull out mouthwash to rinse the taste from my mouth and pull a brush through my hair. Then I sped to my room as I realized my shirt had gotten bunched and wrinkled, and then dampened from all the water splashing, and slid into a clean one. I briefly looked to the clock and then realized that almost an hour had passed. Then I had to brush my hair again. By the time I was done, I felt almost normal again, so I headed back downstairs. Quil had refreshed both our drinks and set out a pair of plates with slices of pizza on them.

But my eyes snapped to him in the corner.

Where he was bent over his duffel bag, rummaging through it.

Shirtless.

He rose and caught me looking at him, and we both sort of froze for a moment until I cleared my throat and jerked my head away. I heard the sound of fabric rustling, and only turned back as I heard him sink into the couch and the sound of the TV as he began to surf through the channels in search of something decent to watch. I walked over to settle next to him, leaning forward instead. I wasn't trying to avoid him, necessarily. I had just begun to rapidly embarrass myself tonight, and I wasn't sure what to really make of it.

_Besides, I'll make a mess of myself with the pizza if I try to lean back_, I reasoned.

"Oh, hey... it's one of those werewolf movies. American Werewolf in... Uh... London?" He shrugged and sat down the remote. "Everything else is boring or almost halfway through. You don't mind monster movies, do you?"

I shook my head and just dug into my pizza. After getting sick and then exhausting probably every last tear I had in me, I found I was ravenous. When I went into the kitchen to grab a couple more slices for Quil, I found myself bringing back a couple for me, too. Finally, I was able to just ease back, and leaned comfortably against him as his arm settled effortlessly about my shoulders.

We sat like that for several minutes before I ended up blushing as the guy got into the shower with the girl. But I just bit my lip and waited for the scene to pass... but then it didn't. They fell into bed together and it began to show little flashes of flesh. And I was distinctly aware of Quil as he cleared his throat and squirmed a little next to me. I hadn't let go of my lip the entire time as they moaned quietly... and I only bit down harder as it panned over her breasts, and then as he sank down over her stomach between her legs.

By the time it moved to the rest of the movie, I felt that Quil was distinctly tensed next to me. I tried to defuse the moment by letting myself relax again. To try and pretend it hadn't happened. But then I looked down and noticed my hand settled on his thigh... fairly near to a rise in the shorts he wore.

I jerked my hand away, but dared a glance over at him.

He was looking right back at me.

I cleared my throat and smirked, trying to alleviate the moment. "Whatever you're thinking, Quil – no."

He quirked an eyebrow. "I beg to differ!"

"...what?!"

He reached down to the bottom of my shirt, and I fumbled with his hands to push them away, mortified that he'd do something like that. But he succeeded in lifting my shirt far enough to expose my stomach.

"See, I was right. Your belly button is cuter than hers was."

I just blinked at him a few times before I burst out laughing. He released my shirt and grinned over at me. "You're so weird, Quil Ateara... but I like that about you."

"I aim to please," he quipped. I just giggled and finally settled back against him. "I probably cheated a little, though... my mom, uh... has a lot of romance novels. I've read... a few."

I glanced up at him in surprise, and then had to bite back another giggle at the blush he wore.

"That's... interesting."

"Yeah, yeah... go ahead and laugh. Probably left me with all sorts of unhealthy expectations in the long run, but I guess it can't hurt to know how to be a little romantic."

"Guess not," I agreed with a small smile up at him. I settled back against him, snuggling closer with my head on his chest and my hand resting lightly on his stomach. _Yep. Things are definitely going to very different places than what I expected... but I think I like it._

But then my mind really began to wander.

Back to what had been happening before. I dared a brief glance down and noticed the tent was slowly decreasing, and eased out a quiet sigh.

But I couldn't help but wonder. Really consider what I thought about the whole sex thing. I knew that I'd been against the concept of getting married too young... or maybe even at all. But I hadn't consciously thought of what I would like to do about sex. I guessed that it wouldn't make too much sense to 'save myself for marriage' and all that, since I didn't know when **that** would be. I knew how intensely I had felt about Edward, and I hadn't even wanted it then. (And I allowed myself a brief, happy moment that I could realize that it was how I **had** felt and not how I **did** feel.)

So I was really left to just choose the right moment, the right person.

I glanced up and blushed a little when Quil caught my gaze and smiled. _If only he knew what I was thinking..._ But his smile was oblivious and innocent, just in passing before he looked back to the screen.

_Well, I certainly trust Quil. I know he won't do anything to intentionally hurt me, and he wouldn't go blabbing it around to anyone. It would be something just between us. And I may not love him... but I care about him, he cares for me... we're most __**definitely**__ attracted to one another... Maybe something like that is what I need. Something without the tangled complications of intense emotion. With someone who's... mostly a friend at the core of it. At least if we do go our separate ways, it can't possibly really end badly..._

I breathed in sharply, which drew his attention back to me.

"Bella? You okay?"

I nodded and leaned up, skimming my lips across his, testing. Trying to figure this out, step by step. And he seemed to notice my need to be slow and careful, because he mainly held back, simply responding as my lips touched his, his arm remaining chastely about my shoulders. The hand on his stomach slipped up to his chest, and something in me then made the decision.

I rose and moved over to sit in his lap, facing him as I effectively straddled him. His eyes widened a little, but he said nothing as my lips touched his again, allowing the kiss to melt into something more vigorous, and distinctly sensual in the way the tip of my tongue skimmed over his lips, and then delved into his mouth. Then he began to respond more ardently, his hands pulling me close as he accepted the invitation I was giving him.

His mouth left mine and began to skim down over my throat, and I felt myself begin to rock against the rising tent in his shorts, feeling the pressure even through my jeans.

A hand slipped to my lower back, and then under my shirt, and I shuddered at the feeling of his hand against the bare skin. His hand moved in slow circles as his mouth sought mine back out, and I gave it to him, heard myself whimper quietly against his mouth.

A brief pause was followed by his second hand sliding up underneath my shirt, skimming slowly, carefully over my stomach. I shivered at what I knew what was coming, and simply slid a hand back into his hair to give him the signal to continue.

I heard a groan rise from him, and his hand slid further up. The tips of his fingers brushed along the underside of my bra-covered breast, and I eased out a shuddering groan.

"Bella..."

I jolted a little. The sound of my name in a voice laden with passion... I decided I definitely liked it.

That fact distracted me for a moment, long enough for him to lift me from his lap and lay me back on the couch, settling over me as he took command of the situation. Pressing his lips to mine as both his hands now moved under the front of my shirt, lightly testing out the permission I had allowed him so far. But his hands became bolder as they massaged and explored my breasts.

It was fairly obvious this was new territory for him at this point in his life, but I wasn't exactly one to judge in that department. So I simply tried to give quiet little nudges when something he did felt a bit weird, and then made sure to give soft little sighs of pleasure when something felt right.

When he slid a hand around to my back and I could feel him begin to fumble with the clasp to my bra, I grasped his hand. "Wait, wait..."

He promptly froze, pulling back far enough to be able to look down at me. "I'm sorry," he said a little breathlessly. "What did I-"

"No, no..." I blushed a little as I interrupted him. "I just meant... not on the couch... down here..."

His eyes shot open a little further before he nodded and released me, getting up.

I rose a little more slowly than he had, but reached out to take his hand before I lead the way up the stairs and into my bedroom. I didn't reach for the light switch, instead letting the dim light seeping in through my windows and under the door be all the light allowed. There was enough where we could just make each other out as I moved over to sit on the edge of my bed, reaching under my shirt to alleviate him from the awkwardness of trying to unclasp my bra.

I was still pretty shy myself, despite the near-encompassing darkness, so I just slid it out from underneath my shirt for now, letting it drop. He was still for a moment, and then pulled his shirt off over his head before he moved over me. I slid back to permit him plenty of room, settling my head back on my pillow.

He began to kiss me again, his hand sliding back up under my shirt. I gasped a little as his hand skimmed over my breast now, and he froze again.

"No, no... I liked it."

He relaxed and set his hand a little more surely, massaging again as he let his thumb brush back and forth over my nipple, recreating the sensation again and again.

Any thought of comparing how this felt with anything I had felt before were swept from my mind, and my thoughts were simply filled with him. The warmth of his skin against mine as he tested his way through finding out what sort of things made me gasp and whimper with increasing need. My shirt began to gradually climb further as he moved underneath it until finally, I just grew frustrated with it and pulled it off to toss it to the side.

He breathed in sharply as he gazed down at me, and I squirmed under his lingering attention. To break it, I reached up to draw him down to me, feeling his bare chest press against mine as our lips touched again. I heard him groan and it made me shiver in response. To know that I could affect him this way was emboldening. I pressed my body up against his and rolled the both of us to our sides, felt him jerk a little in surprise as I slid my hand down inside the waistband of his shorts.

My focus on the kiss waned a little as I explored, but he didn't seem to mind in the least as he pulled back and breathed in sharply as my fingers brushed against the rounded tip of his erection. I blushed as he groaned encouragingly. "Bella..."

I slid my hand further down, allowing my fingers to curl around him, felt myself gasp a little at the same time that he did. The feel of him in my hand surprised me... the skin was soft, but it was warm... warmer than the rest of his body, it seemed. Then my eyes shot up in surprise as I felt his hand join mine, and I watched as he flushed, but helped to guide my hand into holding him a little more firmly, moving slowly.

I licked my lips as I watched his eyes slide closed as he groaned lowly. He stayed still like that for a couple of minutes as I tested out my newly found skill. Then he opened his eyes again and gently slid my hand away, sliding a little further down my body to press heated little kisses and licks over my chest and stomach. When he reached the top of my jeans, he glanced up, and I gave a quick little nod. And after some wriggling and tugging, my jeans were on the floor.

Then he was returning the favor, carefully sliding his hand down into my panties. I was sure I was blushing enough that it reached beyond just my cheeks, but he determinedly searched his way through finding the right spot. As he did, any thought of embarrassment was swept from my mind. My lips parted a little in surprise at the sensation, my hips lifted of their own accord to encourage his touch.

He quirked a little half-smile down at me as he waited for my hips to settle back down, and then touched it again.

I gasped and gripped the quilt underneath me, my eyes clenching shut. Then he quit giving me as much time to recover, causing my hips to form a rhythmic pattern of rocking against his hand.

Then he eased back over me, finger still stroking as his lips touched mine again. I slid my arms up around his neck, returning the kiss as I moaned into it, feeling my breath begin to quicken.

"Quil..."

He groaned back at me, and I felt his hand slide further down, a finger begin to slip inside me.

But my head was swimming with thoughts. I'd wanted to say more than just his name. I'd wanted to complete the thought, to say I loved him... but I didn't feel that way. But it made me realize that I did want to feel that way for someone before they progressed to that ultimate point.

"Wait, Quil... stop..."

His hand ceased moving and he pulled away to look down at me. "Did I do something wrong?" He asked, a frown on his lips as his chest rose and fell.

"No, no... Of course not... It's just, uhm... I finally sort of realized that..." I paused, and then heaved a sigh. "That I want to be in love with the person that I go that far with the first time, and... I care about you, I do... but..."

"We haven't quite gotten to that point yet," he agreed with a wry smile.

I felt my body ease a little with relief. "Right. Besides, uhm... I don't think we're really prepared, anyway..."

His eyes widened a little as he groaned and fell to the side. "Oh, that would have been baaad."

I giggled a little, feeling secure enough to now. I rolled to my side to curl up against him, pressing a little kiss to his shoulder. "Suppose it's a good thing I realized that when I did... couple more minutes and... you were sort of driving me crazy."

He flushed, but shot me a smile. "In a good way, I hope?"

"Definitely." I leaned up to lightly kiss at his lower lip. "We should get up and get dressed though... before we doze off and my dad winds up finding us here."

He nodded, briefly returning the kiss before we rolled away from one another to gather our clothes and replace them. After washing up, he went back across the hall to use my dad's bed again, while I went to drop on mine.


	5. Chapter Four

Author's Note: I just want to say a quick thanks to everyone who has left a review, favorited, and/or followed so far! You make me feel so much more motivated to keep updating, and every time I get an e-mail about one of those things, it just puts a big smile on my face! Thank you!

"_**Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." - Unknown**_

_May 2006_

I was exchanging books between classes at my locker when Jess and Angela ran up to me.

"Bella, Bella! Angela and I got permission to go all the way to Olympia to shop for prom dresses. You want to come with?"

I blinked over at her a few times to the point that Angela burst out laughing. "Bella! Are you even aware that prom is like... two weeks away? We're late shopping, that's why we're trying Olympia instead of just Port Angeles. We both just assumed that you and Quil were going."

"Oh, uh..." I turned back to my locker to finish loading up my backpack, trying to organize my thoughts. I was sure I had seen the signs around; they started posting them up in March. But given my aversion to dances, I had just disregarded them. Especially given the upheaval in my life that was going on at that point – dealing with being abandoned by Jake, still working out my feelings about Edward, and just really getting to know Quil better.

I hadn't even considered going to another dance. I'd certainly avoided homecoming, given it was all of a week after my birthday. But then I drew in a deep breath.

_The last dance I went to was my junior prom... with Edward. As much as I hate things like this, and I can't even dance... I don't want that to be one of my prominent high school memories. Going without being in a cast, recovering from a vampire attack... being there with someone who can actually talk and hang out with my friends, make me laugh and just goof off with... Far better memory._

"Actually..." I shut my locker and shot them a smile. "I'll ask Quil at lunch. When are you guys planning on going?"

As Jess bounced up and down in excitement, Angela just shot me a small, understanding smile. She understood as closely as anyone could, I suppose, the reasons why I was doing this. To Jess, it probably didn't even really occur that a girl wouldn't want to go to her senior prom with her steady boyfriend. But Angela was likely very clearly remembering the depression I'd been in just a few short months ago, that I hadn't even been speaking with any of them because of it.

"Saturday, so we can have plenty of time. Figured we'd leave around ten in the morning. My mom's letting us take her van so there's room in the back for the dresses to hang up."

"Great!" I declared, forcing a smile for her benefit. I hated shopping; I'd be just as happy going and picking something simple from whatever was left in Port Angeles... or even Forks, for that matter. But I felt like this was something I should make an effort for. For myself, and to make sure that the memory was full enough to better be able to eclipse the memory of the prom with Edward.

Later that week, I was yawning as I climbed into the van at ten in the morning. Jess was perfectly chipper in the driver's seat, and kept up an almost non-stop stream of chatter that I mostly tuned out. All I caught was her debating (with herself, mainly) over what sort of colors she'd best like to wear, whether or not she wanted something floor-length or shorter, more classical or trendy, what shoes would go with what sort of dress... I heard Angela offering something here and there, but I was mostly in awe that anyone could put that much thought into an entire wardrobe, much less a single dress that was going to be worn once.

But I was also sort of grateful for her knowledge, as I found later that day. She ended up choosing the majority of the dresses that I tried on, even though when her back was turned, half of what she set in my arms ended up back on a rack or in the arms of one of the workers who just shot me a mischievous grin. I never quite liked any of them, they all seemed too... much for me in one way or the other – too ruffled, too low, too short, too laden with things like sparkles or beads, too... _dear god, pink._

When we were out eating dinner, Jess varied her conversation between narrowing down the ones she liked best, and pointing out quite clearly that I hadn't seemed interested in any of them at all. Angela just smirked and looked down at her plate, having already chosen her dress an hour ago.

We went back to the last store for Jess to try one of the ones she had narrowed it down to, and a flash of deep green caught my eye. I went and pulled it out, and smiled. Okay, it was strapless and had a bit more 'poof' to the skirt than I would have liked... but it was simple. I went straight for the dressing room to try it on. When I glanced at myself in the full-length mirror, I smiled. It had a forest green bodice, the skirt a little lighter; there were two simple ribbons with plain bows – one about the waist and the other just under my breasts. The only thing close to ornamentation on it was some embroidery above the top ribbon.

When I stepped back out, Angela glanced over from where she was helping Jess debate, and immediately smiled. "Ooo, Bella! That one's perfect!"

Jess glanced at me and smirked. "See. You do have taste. You're just... extraordinarily slow and... repressed about it."

I grinned and shook my head before I went back to change back into my own clothes. Jess finally made her choice and immediately started talking about shopping for accessories, but Angela and I both protested. It was late and it was already going to be almost midnight by the time we got back to Forks. She huffed, but reluctantly agreed.

When I let myself into the house quietly, I shook my head as I found my dad lying on the couch. I went over to shake him awake. "Dad... come on, go to bed."

"Bells?" He sat up and rubbed at his eyes.

"It's almost midnight. Go to bed."

He mumbled something before he blinked up at me. "**You** were out shopping for a **dress** for this long?"

I smiled sheepishly and shrugged my shoulders. "Not really. Mostly it was following Jess around while she shopped for me. I picked out one dress and that was the one I wanted."

He chuckled as he got up to stretch.

"Hey... where's Quil?"

"Ah... apparently his grandfather wasn't feeling well. Joy called and asked if he wouldn't mind coming down to stay for a couple days to help out... Old guy probably just misses having him around."

I nodded, then shooed him off to bed again. He finally went and I followed, hanging my dress up and changing into my pajamas before I turned to the bed. And noticed a folded square of paper on my pillow. When I picked it up to read it, I smiled a little.

_Bella,_

_ Apparently, my grandfather has been ranting at my mom about me not being there for some reason. I'm going to hang out here for the weekend, mom said she'd drop me at school Monday morning. Said there's no reason to have me switch back in the last month. _

_ See ya,_

_ Quil_

I smiled and shook my head before I tucked the note away and climbed into bed... and then was promptly scrambling back up to yank my cell phone from the pocket from my abandoned jeans.

"Hello?"

"Bella? Hey. Sorry for calling so late."

I blinked a few times at the whispered voice on the other end. "Quil?"

"Yeah."

I climbed back into bed, snuggling down under the covers. "No worries. I just got back from the shopping trip from hell about twenty minutes ago."

He chuckled quietly. "Did you at least find a dress?"

"Yeah. Jess dragged me all over... I even had to wear pink! But I actually picked out all of one dress for myself, liked it, got it."

He laughed a little again. "Makes me glad my choices are so much simpler. Black tux, white shirt, tie. Done."

I let out a huff. "Ass," I teased. "My feet are killing me. Ang and I barely got out of there before we were dragged shopping for accessories..."

"Well, if I were there, I'd massage your feet," he vowed with a little snicker.

"Yeah, yeah... it's nothing getting to sleep in a little on a Sunday morning won't cure. Anyway... why are you calling anyway, we just saw each other this morning, and we'll see each other Monday."

"Er, well... guess it's just sort of... weird now, not talking to you at night. I tried to crash around ten and I just couldn't sleep. I've gotten too used to being around you all day and night... definitely to the kissing."

I flushed a little and rolled to my side at the thought. After that time in my bedroom, our make-out sessions had gotten quite a bit more involved. There were several times we narrowly missed having my dad walk in on my shirt being half undone, hands slipped down into each others pants, or the pair of us tangled up in my bed. "Yeah, I kinda miss that part, too," I admitted.

He started to snicker, but then I heard some shuffling as it sounded like he was covering the mouthpiece of the phone. I waited in the silence for a couple minutes before he came back, sighing. "He just came out to tell me to go to bed, because we have to get up early to go fishing. Miraculous recovery, huh?"

I giggled a bit. "Come on, Quil. You've been living down here for about three months now. He's used to having you around all the time. Grandparents are just like that."

"Yeah, I guess... Anyway, he'll probably keep me too busy tomorrow to manage to call, so I'll see you at school, okay?"

"Alright. Night, Quil."

"Sweet dreams, Bella."

_Yeah, after pushing thoughts of us rolling around on the bed together into my head. Thanks, Quil._

But the following Monday, there was no Quil at school. As soon as the final bell rang, I dug my phone out of my backpack and turned it on, dialing his number.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Mrs. Ateara? It's Bella."

"Oh, hi hon. I figured you might call... I think he caught something while he was out fishing with his grandfather yesterday, he's running a terrible fever. I think he's going to be out for a few days."

"Oh... well, I'm still here at school. Should I go pick up his work and bring it to him?"

"That's alright, Bella. I really don't want you to risk catching this too. I've already called the school and they're getting everything together for him, I'm picking it up tomorrow morning. But thank you for the thought."

"Well... okay, let me know if there's anything I can do."

"I will. Oh, and Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"I just wanted to... thank you. For helping him out these past few months, I mean. I was getting really worried about things down here and what it was doing to him and his grades... And you've really helped to turn things around for him."

I flushed as I slammed the door to my truck shut, slumping in my seat a bit so no one would see me. "Well... he's sort of helped me out too, Mrs. Ateara."

"I suppose so... he really is a wonderful boy. Even if he can behave like a knucklehead sometimes."

I laughed nervously.

"Okay, okay. I'm making you uncomfortable," she said with a faint laugh. "Sorry. I just wanted to know I appreciate you being in his life."

"Uhm... no problem..."

"Bye, Bella."

I released a quiet, relieved sigh. "Bye, Mrs. Ateara."

But Quil didn't come back all that week, and I was already tired of Jess asking me at every opportunity what I was going to do about prom. I tried calling down to his house, but his grandfather was the one to pick up the phone and would simply tell me he was still sick, and would hang up the phone.

It wasn't until the following Thursday, when I'd all but given up on the idea of prom that I finally heard from him.

"Bella..."

"Quil!" I clutched the phone to my ear a little more tightly, turned away from where my dad still sat at the dinner table, trying to pretend he wasn't watching me. "Hey! So... are you feeling any better? Your grandfather keeps picking up the phone and just saying you're still sick before I can ask anything else."

"Yeah... well... I don't know. My mom insists I'm running this insane fever, but I feel fine. Just... irritated all the time. I think that's because I miss you, though."

I blushed a little and combed my fingers through my hair, painfully aware that my dad was still in the room. "Me too."

"Your dad's right there, huh?"

"Uh-huh..."

I heard him give a light laugh. "Well... I don't care what they say. I feel fine, and I'm taking you to prom in two days. Even if I have to sneak out and get changed at your place. Starts at seven, right?"

"Right."

"Okay. I'll be at your place at five. I think someone was talking about plans to go out to eat first at lunch Friday?"

"Yeah. But we don't have to go to that."

"Well... we'll see. I'd like to, I know you want to hang out with them... they're all kinda cool... no offense, but sort of nice to have someone to talk football with and stuff."

I giggled and heard my dad shift. I guess a sign that this was actually a **good** call eased his stress a little. "None taken."

"But it might be hard to sneak out in time to get there. Bus doesn't run that often between here and there... Definitely can't hoof it that far."

"Good grief, no... But I'll come pick you up, if you need me to. Just give me a call."

"Okay. I'll slip down to the store and call you from there if I'm not going to make a bus, meet you out by the road."

"Okay... so... see you Saturday, then?"

"Yup."

"Okay... bye, Quil."

"Bye, Bella."

I hung up the phone and returned to the table. I didn't even realize I was smiling until my dad loudly cleared his throat and quirked an eyebrow at me. "So... prom's back on, I take it?"

Nodding my head, I dug into the dinner I'd been previously been just picking at. My dad watched me a moment longer before he ducked his head to finish his own dinner... but not before I caught a hint of a small smile.

Saturday rolled around, and I was actually surprised to find myself excited when I woke up. Angela had lent me some of her make-up to augment my own meager collection, and I toyed with it several times that morning to help myself figure it out better. I learned enough that I couldn't fathom how it could be a daily affair for anyone. By the time I had enough figured out, it was time for lunch, a shower, and then went to get my mom on webcam.

I'd let her in on the fact that I was going to prom the day I'd asked Quil, and she lamented that she couldn't be there with me to help me shop for a dress or help me get ready. So we reached a compromise that I'd talk with her on webcam as I got ready... not that I minded at all. I needed her to talk me through getting my hair done, and after about an hour and a half, I got my hair curled, brushed out more loosely, and then pinned up, ringlets still spilling down to my neck to just barely sweep against my back. She even talked me through the make-up and made it a little easier on me.

I glanced up at a knock on my door. "Yeah, Dad?"

He peeked in before he allowed himself into the room, extending a box out toward me. "Your mom made sure to remind me I had this stashed away somewhere for you, for when you were old enough so I could dig it out in time... it was your Grandma Swan's..."

Curious, I pulled off the lid and gave a little gasp. "Dad! It's perfect, thank you..." I jumped up from my desk chair to give him a hug, and then obediently turned about so he could clasp it about my neck.

It was a deep, dark green lace choker – ornamented only with a dark red ruby in the shape of a heart that was left to dangle at the hollow of my throat.

I bit back the urge to cry as I thanked both my parents, and then shut off the camera as my dad left so I could pull on my dress. I slid into a pair of flats and made my way down the stairs, obediently pausing at the foot of them for my dad to take a few pictures.

"Sorry. Your mom threatened me within an inch of my life. I think she sent me about three rolls of film."

I rolled my eyes, but laughed. I couldn't help but be in a good mood. Not even the fact that Quil didn't show up in time to go out to dinner bothered me. I just made myself something simple in the kitchen.

But then seven came around.

Eight.

Nine.

My dad was starting to look torn between glancing up from the TV to glare at the front door, and then glance back toward where I sat at the kitchen table cautiously.

I finally jumped up and grabbed my keys.

"Bells?"

"Dad... he wouldn't just... something must have happened. I have to go see."

He was frowning, but nodded his head. "Be careful."

I just nodded before I dashed out the door to my truck.

Any thought of prom had been dashed from my mind.

But I hadn't missed the similarities.

The fever.

The irritation.

Missing school.

Parents being secretive.

It was all what had happened with Jake before he got beamed up into Sam's little cult. And I had promised to help save Quil.

I wasn't about to give up now.

The rain was pouring down by the time I got to his house, but I didn't care. I climbed out when there was no sign of movement from inside, letting the hem drag in the mud as I walked up to the door and knocked. I only had to a couple of times, but by the time the door pulled open, I was completely soaked.

"Bella!" Mrs. Ateara's eyes widened as she took in my state. "Oh, honey, come inside. You'll catch your death out there like that!" She took my by the elbow to lead me inside, sat me down on the couch.

"Where's Quil?" I asked after a hard little shiver, biting my lip to try and suppress any more.

"Oh, honey..." She came back from the kitchen, setting a warm mug into my hands, and then pulled a blanket from the back of the couch to set it about my shoulders. She settled down in a chair across from me, and I was suddenly aware of the worried expression on her face. "I really don't know... When I got back in Thursday from visiting with some friends, the house was a mess... Dad told me that he'd gotten into an argument with Quil over some phone call... I guess it was about your prom?" She surmised as she glanced me over, and then sighed. "I'm sorry, I should have called, and I just assumed one of them had... but I haven't seen Quil since before I left on Thursday."

I looked down as I shivered again. I allowed myself a small sip of the tea, but mainly just sat there, clutching at the slowly cooling liquid.

I just noticed that I was sniffling when I saw a tissue extended out toward me. I accepted it as she sat down next to me, gently rubbing my back. "Oh, Bella... I know Quil wouldn't do this to you on purpose. My son isn't like that. Especially with you. I so looked forward to the days you two would be down here for dinner. He always smiled so big when he looked at you, especially when you weren't looking... if he isn't already head over heels; I know he likely would be soon... So I know this isn't him. I think something more went on in that argument that his grandfather isn't telling me... he hasn't even been here since he told me what happened."

I could only nod my head. I was still too chilled to even consider blushing. Not that I cared. I just wanted to know where he was. So I could talk to him. Get him away from here again.

And just hope that it wasn't too late.

Mrs. Ateara sat at my side for a long while before the door eased open.

She jumped up right away. "Quil!" I glanced up in enough time to see her throw her arms around him, and him return the hug. Then his eyes seemed to finally settle on me, and I could see him stiffen from across the room. His mom eased back and glanced between us before she looked back to him. "We're having a talk later, young man."

He simply nodded, and I rose to my feet as she left us alone in the room.

"Bella..."

I sniffled again before I found myself following in his mom's footsteps, throwing my arms up around his neck to cling to him. There was a moment of hesitation, but then I felt his arms slide around me. I cried a little as he held me, but slowly, any shivering that had lingered eased out of my body from being this close to him. I felt a little feverish myself, by the time I felt okay enough to step back.

"Quil... where's your shirt, aren't you freezing?!" He just shook his head at me. "Well... what happened? You mom said something about an argument with your grandfather; you disappeared for two days... it's... all the same as what happened with Jake... Quil, I need to get you away. Now. Before it gets any worse." I grabbed his hand and started out the door. "You can talk to your mom later, I'm sure she'll understand."

But he didn't budge. "Bella... I... I have to stay."

Looking back to him, I frowned and stepped back to him. "Don't... please don't do this too, Quil... I can't... I can't do this a third time..."

He shook his head and pulled me back in against him. He held me for a little longer until his hands skimmed across the material of my dress and he pulled back to look at me. Realization dawning on his face. "Prom! Oh god, I... I bet you were so beautiful... and your dress..."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter, Quil... I just... I want you to be okay. I want **us** to be okay... I need us to be... I don't care if I am off to Jacksonville in a couple months... I'm still coming back up here as often as I can."

He shook his head again, and I could see him swallow, hard. "I would have made it, too, if my grandfather hadn't..." He clenched his eyes shut, and I saw him visibly shake. Then he quickly bolted past me. "Bella, stay!"

"Wha-!" I started out after him, but found I couldn't even begin to make out the direction he'd gone into the darkness. He just seemed to have disappeared.

So I stepped back inside and sank back onto the couch, pulling my legs up against my chest and sat, waiting.

I was very aware of the clock hitting midnight. The rain still pounding outside on the roof. Mrs. Ateara popping her head out from her room every fifteen minutes before disappearing again with a sigh.

"No!"

My head jerked up as I heard the shout from outside. _Quil!_

"Jake, what the hell! That's not-!

_Jake!_ I jumped to my feet and bolted back toward the door, yanking it open and bolting out into the darkness. Toward the voices.

"Quil, calm down. This isn't even me, you know that."

"This is fucked up, Jake! I can't do this!"

"Dammit, Quil! You know the rules! Just... Go get rid of her, okay?! We'll talk later."

I froze at that. I still couldn't see them in the darkness, through the rain, but their voices were raised and carried to me.

I crumpled to my knees onto the ground, oblivious to the mud splashing, my already bedraggled hair coming further undone.

Footsteps approached, then quickened as they got closer.

"Bella! I told you to stay inside!"

I let myself be pulled back up onto my feet, swayed as I lifted my face up to him.

"Coming to get rid of me?"

Even in the darkness, I could see his face fall. "You heard that?"

I jerked away from his grasp. "Yeah. I heard that." He stood and just watched me, and that infuriated me. I shoved against his chest. "What! Aren't you going to do what your little gang tells you? Huh?!" I pushed, slapped... I think I even punched at his chest a couple times.

He took it without a sound for as long as my anger held out, gently grasping my wrists in one of his hands as the other arm closed around me as I lost wind and swayed a little.

"Quil... please, just... tell me what's going on..."

A pause. "I can't."

I cringed.

I finally began to shiver in the silence that followed.

"Bella... I... we... can't do this. Go home. Go to Jacksonville after graduation... and don't come back here. Please."

My eyes snapped up to him. "W-what? You're... breaking up with me? Don't... Quil..."

He clenched me a little tighter for a moment before he released me. "Go home, Bella."

I heard his footfalls splash away from me.

Somehow I made it back to my truck and all the way back to Forks.

I was faintly aware of my dad waiting on the couch, but I ignored him calling after me. I just fell into bed, uncaring of the fact that I was still drenched, my clothes muddy.

I couldn't make myself care for much of anything.


End file.
